Her Secret Stash

by Kis Lee
copyright ©2007

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It started out as an argument, and it later turned into something more. In a way, it was my fault. I'll be honest. I admit that it was mostly my fault. I had the workday from hell, and I was in bitch-mode by the time I got home. I was hungry and cranky, which is the worst combination for me.

I saw Jimmy's car in the driveway, and I hoped that he’d started dinner. Since we both worked long hours, it was an unspoken agreement between us. Whoever arrived home first would prepare dinner or pick up some take-out. The agreement worked while we lived together, and it worked for the first two years of our marriage.

When I walked into the living room, my stomach growled in anticipation. I sniffed the air to see if I could guess what he’d made. Maybe he made my favorite pasta dish. Maybe he picked up that coconut curry from the Thai place around the corner. I entered the empty kitchen and threw my coat on a dining room chair. That was strange. I expected him to be in the kitchen, but the house was silent.

"Honey, I'm home." After a few seconds, I walked down the hallway. Maybe he decided to take a shower before dinner.

As I approached the bedroom, I noticed that the door was slightly ajar. I shoved the door open, but Jimmy didn't flinch. He simply clicked the mouse and stood up to greet me. "Debra, when did you get home? How was your day?"

"Don't play dumb," I said, pushing his arms away. "Were you looking at porn again? I thought we agreed that you’d stop."

He sighed and sat back in his chair. "No. I had to check my email. Despite what you may think, I'm not obsessed with porn. I barely even look at the stuff. I don't think I have a problem."

This had been an ongoing argument for the last two weeks. I wanted him to get rid of his porn collection, and he refused. I wasn't worried that he was addicted to it. Our sex life was great, and we both had a healthy sexual appetite. A part of me wondered why he needed porn anymore. After all, we’d been together for a while, and I should be enough for him. But that was only my insecurity talking. I knew he loved me, and I never doubted that.

We were never able to resolve the argument, and that really bothered me. One night I decided that he should erase all his adult bookmarks and get rid of his magazines. Since he didn't need it, he should quit. It was just like smoking or any other bad habit. Why indulge in something that you don't really need?

He didn't agree at all. He admitted that he didn't really need porn, but he claimed that it was a harmless distraction. All men like to look at naked pictures once in a while. He tried to compare porn to my steamy romance novels. It was just a way to unwind after a long day.

Our tiff lasted off and on for a few days. Eventually, he became angry that I didn't trust him. I got pissed that he wouldn't agree with me. Neither of us was willing to compromise. In a way, I knew I was being oversensitive, but I refused to back down. I was angry that he didn't just give in and agree with me. Sometimes, I was a little more stubborn than I needed to be.

That evening, the proverbial shit hit the fan. I was already agitated because I wanted dinner right away. When he offered to pick up some sushi, I told him I wasn't in the mood for it. I wanted sushi, but I didn't want him to change the subject.

I fumed as I changed into more comfortable clothes. Jimmy continued to sit in his chair and stare at the blank computer monitor. I waited for his apology, but his lips were sealed.

Finally, he spoke, but it wasn't an apology. "I still don't see what the big deal is."

"If it's not a big deal, why don't you quit?"

"I won't quit because it's not a big deal. It's not an addiction, so what's wrong with it?"

The circular logic gave me a headache. Instead of anger, I tried another tactic. "I just don't understand why you need something else. Aren't I enough for you?"

He rolled his eyes as if he expected that line. "Have you been reading those women's magazines again?"

I pretended to swat him with a pillow. "No. Well, not really. I did read an article that talked about how relationships deal with the porn issue."

"Ah, I see. So that's what this is all about. Don't be brainwashed by a bunch of prudes. Sex is natural, and sex is fun. George Michael even made a song about it, remember?"

I ignored his attempt at humor. "I don't have a problem with sex. I have a problem with pornography. I think it's demeaning to women." I wasn't sure if I agreed with that, but I threw it out there.

"Demeaning to women? And those cheesy romance novels with the half-naked men? Are those demeaning to men?"

I felt my temper rising, and I escaped to the kitchen. By the time Jimmy changed and followed me, I'd already made two sandwiches. I pushed the plate towards him and went to work on my roast beef and Swiss. We ate in silence, as I thought about the argument. I knew we were both being stubborn because of principle. Neither of us wanted to admit that the other person had a point. I was probably more stubborn than he was. I couldn't accept that my husband didn't agree with me on some issues.

After he put his plate in the sink, he said, "Let's get back to the whole demeaning towards women point."

I knew I shouldn't have said that, but it was too late. "Pornography is a male-dominated industry. What do they know about women? It's a bunch of tits and asses catered towards men."

He smirked. "What about those erotica sites that you like so much?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Those are different."

He raised his eyebrows and gave me his signature are-you-kidding-me look. "That's crap. Erotica is basically porn with words."

"Erotica has literary merit, and it's not just about fucking and sucking," I responded. Maybe he had a point, but I didn't like that he compared my erotica sites to his.

"Look. I'm not an advocate for the adult industry. I don't appreciate this holier-than-thou attitude. You act as if I'm disgusting for even watching porn. I watch a few videos once in a while. I'm not sure why you make it seem like this is some nasty habit."

"If you loved me, you wouldn't need porn." I didn't know where that came from. I knew I didn't believe it, but it seemed like something I should say.

Jimmy looked like I just punched him in the gut. His smirk fell off, and he looked at me with big brown eyes. "Deb, that's not even fair, and you know it."

I felt like a petulant child, but I didn't back down. It was my worst habit. I didn't know when to admit I was wrong. It really bothered me that he wouldn't admit he was wrong. Usually, he let me win arguments, but he was being stubborn about this. "Well, I don't know. Sometimes your actions speak louder than words."

He acted like he didn’t even hear me. "Not only is that unfair, but it's also hypocritical. I didn’t want it to get to this, but I'm calling you out on your bullshit."

"Hypocritical? What the hell are you talking about?"

Without another word, he left the room. Within minutes, he was back with a small cardboard box in his hands. It was a plain box with tape around the sides. An average box that anyone would use to ship something. Even though it was a blank box, I immediately recognized it. A flash of heat crossed my face, as I jumped up and rushed towards him.

"Hey! What makes you think you can go through my stuff?" I tried to grab the box from his hands. He twirled like a dancer and moved behind the couch.

"So you admit that this is yours?" He dangled the box in front of my face.

"Give it back!" I chased him around the sofa, but it was no use. My short legs were no match for his long ones.

"I thought you weren't into porn," he said. The short chase made us both breathe hard. I hated to admit it, but we were both out of shape.

I collapsed on the sofa and gave him my meanest glare. "They're not porn. That's beside the point. You shouldn't be snooping through my belongings in the first place."

"Who said I was snooping?" He settled in the armchair with the box in his lap. "You're the one who shoved your secret stash into my sock drawer."

I blushed. I remembered the night he came home early. In a panic, I had thought his sock drawer was my underwear drawer.

"That doesn't change the fact that I've never snooped in your stuff," I responded.

"Oh really?" He gave me the raised eyebrows again.

"Really."

"Is that why you go through my desk drawers?"

I shook my head. Not this again. "That was a long time ago. Back when we had trust issues."

"So you're trying to say that you haven't done it since then." He looked at me with solemn eyes.

I remained silent. If I lied, it would make the situation worse. Sometimes, silence really was golden. I avoided his stare and pretended to study my nails.

Jimmy shrugged. "Fine. I can overlook that stuff. I can even overlook the fact that you have your very own porn collection." He shook the box to make his point.

I waited for him to continue. He seemed calm, but I could tell that he was upset. I wasn't sure of the exact reason, but I was about to find out.

He opened the box and flipped through the DVDs. "Impressive collection. I don't know why you've been holding out on me. We could have watched these together."

"I don't really watch them," I said. "A few have been gag gifts from my friends. I'm not even into that kind of junk."

"You're still being stubborn," he said. "You never want to admit when you're wrong. I like that you're opinionated, but this bullheadedness bothers me. It gets really tiring after a while."

"I'm not that stubborn."

"You're like a dog with a bone. When you want to make a point, you won't let it go until someone else gives in. I'm fed up with it. This isn't about some dirty movies. It's about being gracious enough to admit when you're wrong."

"But I'm not," I said under my breath.

"You just proved my point." Jimmy stood and turned on the DVD player.

"What are you doing?"

He sat next to me and grabbed the remote. "I'm going to check out one of your gag gifts. Let's see what kind of movie flips your switch."

"That isn't even necessary," I said. I stood up to leave, but he grabbed my hand.

He pulled me down, and I lost my balance. Before I could protest, I was face down on his lap. When he put me into that position, I knew he was serious. He crossed his legs so that my ass was high in the air. With gentle hands, he put a pillow under my face and turned my head to the side. I was on his lap with my face turned towards the television.

The movie started, and I blushed when I saw the title. He had picked out one of the more hard-core flicks. This one didn't have any pretense of build-up. It was just a sequence of sex acts, one after another. Jimmy turned up the volume as the couple on the screen went to work.

"Jimmy, I don't want to watch this."

"Why not? It's yours. I thought it would be nice to share."

"This is ridiculous." I pushed myself up, but his hand pressed down on my lower back. When I moved again, a hard smack got me right on the middle of my butt. I immediately settled down.

"Are you going to be good? Or am I going to have to give you a real spanking?"

To Be Continued...